Hi! I’m Becky and I’m adopted. I’m married to a great guy, and enjoy reading, watching sports, and golfing. I assume you’re visiting this blog because you are adopted or because you want to know what it’s like to be adopted. I’m glad you’re here. Be sure to comment on my posts if something strikes you – this is a journey for all of us and I think it’s a journey that is better shared and discussed.
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Through the Eyes of an Adopted Kid 
I’m 42, was domestically adopted (closed) when I was 4 weeks old and in the past year I have met my birth mom and dad. In fact, I met my birth father the day after you met yours. I’m glad to find your blog because we seem to have a similar outlook on adoption and reunion. I especially like the “you cannot be replaced” entry, which I think is what everyone wants to believe and is true. I love all of my parents and would not be the person I am without any of them.
I have just read your entire site and blogs. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and journey. I know how difficult it is to put that “adoption business” out there. I am hoping one day I can have the answers and reunion like you’ve had and I appreciate your honest and we’ll-spoken approach. Much of my story, minus the finding of birth parents, is similar to yours. Thanks again!
Blessings on you as you continue your journey, Kelly. I hope you find all the answers you need.
I am envious of your situation.. Mine is a bit complicated..
I am 21.. I know I was adopted since then but my adoptive parents got separated when I was 6..
I am with my father’s new family who find only out that he was already married and he have me after a few years my sister was born…
Most of the time I am getting depressed with how my father’s family is treating me… I can feel no affection, and care as they usually insinuate I am only adopted and that I am not a real daughter of my dad, the same what I have felt from my extended family in father’s side… People tend to get jealous and insecure about me, when I receive gifts, accomplish something and etc…and believe me they never fail to let me feel out of place even thru small gestures…
I do not know if this only a Filipino culture or what, or it is happening there as well… As an adopted child, I try me best to please these peope, but I know I cannot… I am just saving money right now to be able to move out and live my life indepedently.. I am planning to look for my real parents after I have the adequate resources…
Sorry, I just wanna vent out these feelings.. Thanks
Cornelia, I am so sorry you are experiencing this situation. Difficult enough to be adopted without adding a divorce and yet another new family into the mix. I wish I had some words to share that would ease your concerns, but I am afraid I don’t have any. I will say that I am very happy to listen any time you need to vent, so feel free to use this comments section for that purpose. Becky
Hi Becky!
I’m 53 and have been married to my third husband for 11 years. I have four grown children from my first marriage that ended after years of abuse and manipulation. I was then widowed after only five years with a dear and wonderful man. My husband was an only child, abandoned by his alcoholic mother and raised by his kind father. I came from a home filled with abuse and severe neglect. My mother was adopted and I never felt fully attached with her. She failed to protect me and my brothers from the abuse by our father. I didn’t know how to forgive her until she and my father had both been dead for several years. It wasn’t even until the last few years that my husband and I became interested in adoption. The more I learn about childhood trauma and the effects of abuse and neglect, the more I discover about myself and understand my mother. I used to fantasize about my father dying, being arrested and sent to prison, or simply being taken away and adopted by a nice family. But I grew up in that home and it is what it is now. I know a lot of the cycle continued after I married my ex. But somewhere in my thirties I truly became a survivor. I made a decision to never be victimized again.
My children and grandkids live near my ex husband and my relationship with them has become very estranged. (Over the last three years they’ve just stopped talking to me altogether.) I’ve given up on the hope that they can forgive me for what seems to me to be “anthills” compared to the mountainous wrongs they have forgiven their father for. They’ve chosen to remain in the abusive cycle of drama and toxic behavior.
I hope to move past all the grief and loss and that life has thrown us a “do over” as we near the end of our adoption home study. I’m sure there will be days and perhaps weeks when we will wonder why we even wanted to adopt a fourteen year old girl. If there’s even a slim possibility that the three of us can become a family with no regrets then we will build from the ground up.
I wish you the best as you form this family, Anna!