Daddy’s Girl

A week or so ago, I wrote about how much my mom and I have in common. I would be remiss not to write about the characteristics I share with my natural dad because I definitely belong to him as well. While I haven’t been able to spend as much time with him as my natural mom, one need only start looking at our photos to see similarities. I definitely have his eyes and hair, a bit of his smile, and more of his natural build. In fact, as soon as I saw the first photo of my natural dad I thought, “Yep. No denying that he’s my dad.”

As we’ve shared emails, messages, and even a face-to-face conversation over the last 10 months, I have discovered other similarities as well. He’s a deep thinker, so I got a double dose of that trait, which explains a lot. I also noted he’s a deep feeler, but rather than sharing those feelings quickly or directly, I think he shares them in his music. As a musician and song writer, he uses music as an outlet for what he feels. While I don’t write songs, I write other things – most of which I have never shared with the world (or anyone for that matter). I admire that he shares his music, and I must admit it was a small piece of the inspiration it took for me to share this blog.

Shortly after we met, I found another common trait. He “disappears” for a while when he is in thinking mode. I discovered this because I didn’t hear from him for a few days right after we met. I hesitantly checked in via an “everything okay” Facebook message and he explained that he had been thinking and writing a bit. I laughed as I wrote my response because I do the exact same thing. I need time to process my thoughts and feelings most of the time, so I have a tendency to go “radio silent” for a bit in those moments. The good news is that we’ll understand those silent moments; the bad news is that if we ever have them at the same time, we may not talk for a while.

I also credit him with my natural athletic talent. I’ve basically been good at sports my entire life (and that was definitely honed in my adoptive family by my big brother, Shawn), and I think that’s attributable to my baseball-playing natural dad. I’ve always liked that part of me, so I happily give him credit for it!

I’m not sure all of the other ways he may have “stamped” me, but I am excited about discovering more of them as we get to know each other better. In the meantime, I can definitely say I’m my natural daddy’s girl too. I guess I’m a good mix of him and my natural mom. That’s pretty cool to know after all these years.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

“Like mother, like daughter” – it’s a phrase you often hear. A young girl will say or do something and a knowing smile will appear on her father’s face as he says, “like mother, like daughter.” I heard that statement a lot when I was young, but rarely (if ever) about me, which made sense because as I looked at myself and my mom I saw very little in common. We didn’t really look alike, had a different temperament, and shared few common interests. I loved my mom dearly, but I just didn’t see many similarities. Because I found out I was adopted very young, I had an idea why this was true, but I often wondered if I would ever find the mother I was like.

On February 19, 2012, I did.

I had written the email that represented our first contact the day before (on my natural mom’s birthday), but she had done her daily email check in the morning prior to the time I wrote so she didn’t see it until Sunday morning. I sat in worship that day nervously refreshing my email on my iPhone until I saw her name appear (sorry, Grandma Audrey, I know that’s not really appropriate, but I’m sure you can understand why I did it AND why I don’t take my phone into worship when I visit with you). I was flooded with thoughts when she replied and I never imagined we would talk later that day, but when she asked in an email if we could, I found myself typing “yes” before I even thought about it.

I dialed her number at exactly 8 p.m. as we had arranged. When she answered, I introduced myself (something brilliant like, “Hi, I’m Becky”) and she started to cry. In the first moment I heard her speak, I felt this strange calm wash over me and the only thought I could muster was “THAT’S my mom.” It was as if I had heard that voice before and I wonder now if I still recognized it from all the time she spoke to me while she was pregnant.

Over the next couple of hours, we talked and I discovered we both feel very strongly (though she often expresses those feelings and I keep mine buried), process information similarly (meaning the actual process we use), are organized and efficient, share a good sense of humor, have a strong sense of responsibility, and put our skills to work in similar fields (she’s a medical records auditor who performs regular training with physicians and I’m an executive trainer who performs legal work for my clients).

As the days have turned to weeks and months (and the months almost a year since our reunion), I have found even more things we share in common. At 37, I can finally say, “like mother, like daughter” and apply it to me.