I was adopted through a closed adoption process. In short, that means no one met anyone else, nor was any identifying information about any of the parties given to the others. In fact, my natural mom never even saw ME – I was born and taken from her before she could even look at me, know my gender, or hold me.
Part of the challenge of a closed adoption process is it forever shuts a door on the adoptee looking into the eyes of his/her natural parents. I know to some that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it was for me. I always wanted to look into the eyes of my natural parents to see how much of me was reflected in them.
I was blessed to be born in the State of Tennessee, which passed an open records law. This allowed me to gather identifying information about my natural parents and start the process of finding them. In fact, the State ran the original search for my parents and was the way I reached my natural mom. I found my natural dad through Facebook (because the State couldn’t find him – go figure), but that’s another story for another day.
My reunion with my natural mom, grandmother, aunts, and brothers has allowed me to look into the eyes of my family and see me. In fact, in my first moments with them, I felt at ease and it’s because of everything we have in common – thanks to genetics.
I am traveling to Pensacola next week and hope to meet my natural father. I look forward to this opportunity because there are some things about me that didn’t get explained in meeting my natural mom and I suspect he is the key to those items.
Looking in their eyes is a big deal. For those who agree, I pray you will have that opportunity. And if you aren’t adopted, I hope you take the time you should to look into your parents eyes – don’t take it for granted. It’s an amazing opportunity.
4 thoughts on “Looking in Their Eyes”
Thank you for sharing these very personal moments. Your comments, thoughts and reflections make us all better parents, children, siblings, friends — better people.
Becky, this just adds more meaning to when we will meet Him face to face.
No one but an adoptee can grasp how seeing people who share your genetics can fill that indescribable void inside. Congratulations, and happy reunion.
We are considering adoption and I’ve debated whether I want closed or open adoption. Thank you for posting something so personal through the eyes of the adoptee!